Thursday, 26 January 2012

Hey Mamas, let's cut eachother some slack eh!

As I was rocking my baby to sleep tonight (yes I still rock him and he's 2.5 years old). If you're thinking this is too old or judging me please reread the title of this post one more time. Thanks. The sucking on the soother slowed, stopped and then the soother dropped out. Passed out and precious. I could feel his gentle little exhales on my face. And then I could smell them. It dawned on me I hadn't brushed his teeth today. At all. Gross. Basic hygiene should be pretty easy to remember right? It's even on his Nighttime To Do chart that I made (that's the teacher in me for sure, but no judging on my love for dorky craft things like that either). Opps judging. Not dorky.

And then I started to think of all the other things I am far less than rock star about. 

Some days he watches too much tv, eats too many sweets and might as well have a salt lick tied to his bed, for all he consumes in pickles and chips. I let him have his soothers when everyone else seems to try to take them away. He plays shoot em up with my dad. I buy the stupid happy meal at Mcdonalds so he can have the toy he begs for and then plays with for about 5 seconds.

I use bribery because it works. If you don't I applaud you, but I also think you're a liar. :)

Some days I just don't have the energy, patience or even memory to do it all.

As a parent I have learned to be far less judgmental. We usually are doing the best we can and so are others. Just as you don't know what I'm doing to keep from going over the edge, I don't know what you are. Let's cut each other some slack.
I'd like to think, and hope, that on more days than not, my son's teeth get brushed, he only has one treat, he watches one age appropriate show (hey I still need a little break), he's not shooting me with his felt :) and we've steered clear of all fast food pits.

Saturday, 14 January 2012

A Friendship with my Ex?

It was spontaneous. It was nice. The other night, as I was watching the Portland Trail Blazers destroy the L.A. Lakers, I texted my ex just to say "Yeah Blazers!" When we lived together in Portland, we loved watching basketball and going to games. It was one of the things we both loved. He texted back. Turns out he was home watching the game too. A small chat ensued. I can't remember the last time we just pleasently chatted back and forth. It wasn't about our divorce or our son. It was unexpected. It was nice.

One of the hardest parts of going through a divorce is losing your best friend. I have terribly missed talking to him and sharing the ups and downs of our days. I've missed being on the same team, rooting for eachother. We started playing for our own teams and battling against eachother. Your best friend becomes your opponent, rival, enemy.  It's a place you can't imagine ever being as you're standing their repeating your wedding vows. You're just left wondering "Who the hell is this person?" and "What happened to the guy I married?"

But the other night, I felt like I was talking to the friend I knew years ago. We've even had a couple more chats since. Perhaps a part of our friendship is returning. Or maybe it will be a totally new one, different, but even better than before.

I can see it now, just on the horizon, a friendship with my ex. It's beautiful.

Saturday, 7 January 2012

How does a marriage 'make it'?

Are marriages longer than a decade a thing of the past? Can people of our generation actually stay committed? Is there some sort of short-marriage epidemic happening?

Another friend's husband has split. He has quit his marriage. My first thought is not shock, as it takes a lot to actually shock me these days, but disgust. How dare he? How dare all of the men and women who runaway!

How can it be so easy to just walk away?

What happened to the vows? What happened to commitment? What happened?

Much time has past for me and I'm healing more everyday. I still don't know if I'd ever marry again, but I'd dare to love again.

I do believe in love, but it's a very different love than the one I believed in as a 27 year old engaged woman. I've learned a lot about myself and how to truly love and depend on the
person I am. I also have learned that there are no guarantees and most things don't last forever.

So can marriages last?

I've even thought, at least I've gotten through mine and felt bad for others who just haven't had it happen yet. How fucked up is that? But am I far off? Not statistically. So what are the secrets? How does one guarantee their marriage will make it?