Thursday, 27 October 2011

The Marital Agreement

I don't know why it's called that  (well at least in state of Oregon it is) when it's really all about divorce.

When it was sent to me by our mediator, I couldn't open it for at least a week. It just sat in my inbox. Then I got the nerve to print it. I remember being quite emotional during that time and the feelings of anger resurfaced. A couple more weeks went by until I sat down with it and a bottle of wine and read it. It wasn't that bad. There weren't any shocking surprises. I'm not sure what I was dreading; I was there in the mediation while we decided most of these issues.

Well we then agreed to put it all on hold as I pursued my American citizenship; just to make all the paperwork a little easier. Another few months goes by. We revisit it via Skype during the summer, so I can immediately submit it once my other paperwork goes through. We agreed to some changes. I became a citizen mid August.

Have I submitted it? Nope.

What's wrong with me?

At this point I very much want this divorce to happen, but I'm avoiding this stupid paperwork. It sits on my desk in a folder titled divorce in huge red letters.

Last week I gave myself a deadline of submitting it by my birthday. I thought getting this done and starting my new year off fresh would be a good idea.

My birthday's tomorrow and I still haven't done it. Arghhh.

Why is this soooooo hard???????

Friday, 21 October 2011

Moving back in with your parents

Okay I know it's not exactly living the dream, but it might not be that bad.

It's already been a year since I moved back in with my parents. Nine months since I knew for sure the marriage was over and I wouldnt be going back to our condo.

Did I feel like a failure? Definately.
Did I hate explaining to every person in our small town why I was back? Oh my god yes!

Now I am completely aware that I am part of a small minority of people who have a healthy and functional relationship with their parents (who are even still married). I am lucky. I know that is not the case for so many others. But if you think that cohabitating with your parents or parent during this difficult time is at all a healthy possibility, I suggest trying it. You haven't failed! It can be smart and benficial in so many ways. I truly believe that is the best thing I did after my ex and I split.

Here's a few pros and cons to think about.

Much cheaper, and possible even free!
Babysitters under the same roof
Shared housework and meal prep
Company to keep you from getting to lonely
Coming home to someone who cares about your day and well being
Save money and pay off debts

Lack of privacy
Hard to entertain or have company, especially of the male variety
Possible regression back to teen behavior and mentality:)I am living in my old bedroom after all.
Confusion of parental roles (Mekhi started calling both my mom and I "Mom" which bothered me for awhile)

I'm sure everyone's list will look a little different, but that's mine.

But now I'm wondering should I stay? I moved back because we didn't really have anywhere else to go. It was to be temporary; just until I got my feet on the ground. So now I have a job and have even found a great 2 bedroom suite we could move into Dec. 1, but I'm second guessing my need to move out just yet. My thoughts, up until now, have been consumed with moving out and having my own place.

But is this best idea just yet? Would love some input!

Should I stay awhile longer and build a nest egg and pay off some debts or leave and have a place to call our own?

Monday, 17 October 2011

Mommy's back to work

After 9 months of job hunting, this mama's back to work. Yahoo! I've been tutoring and had some other part time work over the summer, but finally I'm on with a school district. When I originally left my teaching job down south, I had no idea it would take this long to get hired. The experience has been humbling, and also a blessing. Everything happens for a reason right? I do believe so more and more.

Now I'm excited to return, but already feeling a little guilty about that. Why is that? I swear us women must have a guilt gene science just hasn't recognized yet. As much as I've loved the time with my son, I need to be fullfilled in other ways. My bank account needs some filling too. So happily( with a twinge of guilt) off to work I go to provide for me and little man.

It feels good. It's good to remember I'm good at what I do. Its good to make my own money again. It's good to start this new chapter of my life. It's even good to dress up, grab my coffee and join the commute (I realize this last one makes me sound crazy, but I really don't mind; always had one). It's all good!

And now I just have to figure out how to juggle working, raising my son, handling daily responsibilities, pursuing interests, and staying healthy. Doesn't sound like much.


So to all you fabulous mamas out there, how do you do it and stay somewhat sane?

How do you balance it all?

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

How do I raise a 'good' man?

This question has been occupying my mind since another friend's husband walked out on his family. It seems to be an epedemic. I just don't understand.

Although my son is just 2.5, I have thought about this a lot. Not to say there aren't so many amazing men out there, because there are. I want my son to be one of them. 

I was raised by teachers and was taught happiness and success are not measured by material goods, but the relationships you have and how you treat others. It wasn't what my parents said so much as how they lived their lives. I know that I was lucky to have this kind of family and I want to instill the same values and morals in my son. Only right from the beginning his circumstances are so different.

I want to raise a good man that values people and relationships. I know we all want this for our children, but how do we teach them when their own fathers have fallen short? My son's father has many great qualities (I did marry him afterall), but he doesn't value honesty or committment in the way that I do and in the way I want my son to. So my son sees one thing, as I'm trying to teach him something else.

How do I make up the difference?