Friday, 21 October 2011

Moving back in with your parents

Okay I know it's not exactly living the dream, but it might not be that bad.

It's already been a year since I moved back in with my parents. Nine months since I knew for sure the marriage was over and I wouldnt be going back to our condo.

Did I feel like a failure? Definately.
Did I hate explaining to every person in our small town why I was back? Oh my god yes!

Now I am completely aware that I am part of a small minority of people who have a healthy and functional relationship with their parents (who are even still married). I am lucky. I know that is not the case for so many others. But if you think that cohabitating with your parents or parent during this difficult time is at all a healthy possibility, I suggest trying it. You haven't failed! It can be smart and benficial in so many ways. I truly believe that is the best thing I did after my ex and I split.

Here's a few pros and cons to think about.

Much cheaper, and possible even free!
Babysitters under the same roof
Shared housework and meal prep
Company to keep you from getting to lonely
Coming home to someone who cares about your day and well being
Save money and pay off debts

Lack of privacy
Hard to entertain or have company, especially of the male variety
Possible regression back to teen behavior and mentality:)I am living in my old bedroom after all.
Confusion of parental roles (Mekhi started calling both my mom and I "Mom" which bothered me for awhile)

I'm sure everyone's list will look a little different, but that's mine.

But now I'm wondering should I stay? I moved back because we didn't really have anywhere else to go. It was to be temporary; just until I got my feet on the ground. So now I have a job and have even found a great 2 bedroom suite we could move into Dec. 1, but I'm second guessing my need to move out just yet. My thoughts, up until now, have been consumed with moving out and having my own place.

But is this best idea just yet? Would love some input!

Should I stay awhile longer and build a nest egg and pay off some debts or leave and have a place to call our own?


  1. I think you'll like the independence once you move out. I lived with mine for less than 6 months and couldve stayed longer, just didn't feel right to me, even tho i paid rent and stuff. One advantage (besides the ones you listed) is that especially early on, it's nice to have that company. I miss just sitting and chatting with my parents when I got home from work. Being a single parent in the beginning is really tough and being around people that care about you helps get through that.

  2. Good post and good question. How do your parents feel about it? Maybe now is not the right time if you are having doubts. Maybe it would be good to get used to your new job and settled into that routine before heading out on your own. I am in no way comparing my situation to yours, but I have Eli on my own after work 4 nights a week and it can be very challenging, so perhaps holding onto the benefits of your parents support a little longer may not be such a bad idea. You have been through so much this past year that getting in a position where you are more financially stable may be good. It looks like I am leaning toward staying put for now option. Hmm, tough call though.

  3. Hi Kara,

    Once again, love your blog. Very honest and thoughtful. I'd have to agree with anonymous. If you're going to have to settle into a new job and new routine, it will definitely help to have your parents support. Also, what about Mekhi? He will have alot to adjust to you being back at work and new daycare (?). To add a move on top of that right away might be unsettling for him. If you and your parents aren't chomping at the bit to move forward, I'd give yourself permission to ease into that next step in the new year.

  4. I also needed time to regroup and we lived with my parents. For me, it just got to a point where I needed to do it on my own. Of course, they remain a huge part of our lives, but in order for me to be the best mom I could be, I needed to do it without worrying what they were thinking of my decisions. I think it's a great idea until it no longer is, and only you will know when that time comes.

  5. Thanks for the input you guys! I really appreciate it. I've decided to stay a little longer and get more financially secure & used to balancing the new job. Feels good to take extra pressure off myself. Mekhi is so happy here & I am too for now. My parents also support it 100%. You're right April, it's good until it's not. :)

  6. I love your blog and the great questions you put out there ( it also so helpful to read the comments) when my ex and I split I too moved back to my small hometown. It was hard I felt embarrassed like I was taking steps backwards. Here I am sharing a small bedroom with my daughter I my bet friends home ( she's like a sister to me we grew up together) I often feel like a failure but I know it's for the best atleast for a few months so I can get back on my feet. Maybe you should stay for a bit too while your able to and save some money/ pay off debts it might be easier in the long run and why rush if you have a good setup.